When Your First Dates Consistently Fail for One Reason

Posted on October 10th, 2011 by Brad under: dating advice

A reader recently wrote me with a very unique situation that was leading to multiple unsuccessful first dates.

In many cases, failed first dates can be a mystery: did she not like my personality? Was he not attracted to me? On the other hand, sometimes we know exactly why we are seeing failed dates…we just don’t know how to respond to them.

In this case, my reader knew exactly why he was struggling on the first dates but wasn’t sure how to correct the situation. Here’s part of his email:

I have really enjoyed reading your site and online dating guide. Based on your information, I am making some serious changes to my online dating approach. But I do have a question that I have not seen addressed in any of the literature I have read and I am hoping you may have some insight or suggestion.

About two years ago I stumbled upon a group of modern-day monks called the Ishayas and learned a prayer / meditation teaching called the Ishayas’ Ascension. I fell in love with the teaching and now share it all over the United States. I also joined the Ishaya Order and as part of my vows, I wear a wedding ring. I assure you that I am not married, not engaged, nor have I ever been either.

However, as I am sure you can imagine this comes up quite often when I meet women. I have not found a graceful approach to handling it yet, except for telling the truth which often ends up in a long conversation that can range from religion, belief, spiritual enlightenment, philosophy, etc. All pretty heavy subjects for a first date and almost always with me doing most of the talking.

The responses so far have ranaged from being flat-out called a liar to ending up as more of a teacher than a potential love interest. Any thoughts?

Specific Example, General Approach

I realize that many readers may read this person’s experience and say, “Well I’m not a monk so this advice won’t help me”.

Not so! I realize that this is a very specific example but the response to dates failing for one specific reason has a general approach. Sure, your situation will differ: your failed dates might instead be caused by revealing information about your job, your relationship history, or any number of items. That being the case, the advice remains the same so keep reading!

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