The Friend Zone - The How and Why

You could call it slumming, but we'll link to AskMen today for an example of your typical Avoid the Friend Zone article. Yes, men, in your online and offline dating relationships, the two most dreaded words you'll hear are "friend" and "zone."

Why does this happen? Why why why? Because men seem to feel like it shouldn't be a problem - there's that cursed Michael Bolton song about how can we be lovers if we can't be friends. Thanks Michael. Missing the point as usual. Here, guys, let's try to explain it this way: Here's some celebrities, and we'll rate them as friend vs. lover.

Alan Alda - Friend. He does not exhibit one drop of testosterone.

George Cloony Lover. With that hot tattoo he had in From Dusk til Dawn.

Rob Reiner - Friend. A sweet, lovable, cuddly uncle of a man.

The late Stanley Kubrick - Lover, but only if you're very submissive, because you know he would want it his way only!

Adam Savage (of Mythbusters) - Friend. Your funny, smart, geeky friend. You don't want him in bed, you want him to help with your calculus homework.

Jamie Hyneman (also of Mythbusters) - Lover. Now we're talking, and since male geeks are the biggest set who complain about the friend zone, we'll draw the line of distinction here. Now Jamie has the same brains, skills, and know-how of Adam - but look at that mustache and that hat and that scowl. You know this man can also down a beer, fight off a wolf, and love you like a caveman all at once.

Sean Connery (the one true James Bond) - Lover. Like a god.

Every other James Bond since (George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig) - Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Lazenby, Moore, and Craig might be good for one-nighters at best. But Lazenby would never amount to anything, Moore would be unbearably smug about it, and Craig you'd just try because he's intriguingly weird.

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