Dating, whether online or offline, is a game where the winner is always the one who keeps the most positive mental attitude. In no other aspect of life do we find so many self-defeating illusions that people have. We hear them every day, and they're often used to justify why people don't even try. Here's the most common we've heard:
#1. You have to put out.
Sure, sex is expected at some point. But when? Not everybody - and we insist that this apply to guys, too - thinks with their pants. We've seen it lately happen the other way around from the traditional stereotype, where now men complain that women pressure them for sex, almost as often as women complaining about the men. It's just as wrong from either side; many of us, even if we have a high libido, would like to at least have some standard and be sure that the person meets our criteria before just hopping into bed. But what's more disconcerting is when people just do it because they think that's expected of them.
#2. Traditional sexual roles.
This is a big one, because many women back down from flirting and initiating contact because they will be seen as too pushy. The fact is, the 21st century has seen a great equalization; it's now the accepted norm for anybody to ask anybody else out. And ladies, the younger blokes don't mind at least some encouragement.
#3. You have to agree on everything.
Try this some time: Find somebody who is as close to being your twin as possible. Spend some time with them. Yes, you agree a lot, and what happens to the dialog? It dies out. Have you tried dating an opposite? It's intriguing, it's challenging, it keeps your interest. This doesn't mean you should argue with your date about everything. But learn to respectfully disagree, and yet still love somebody who thinks differently from how you do.
#4. It's all about the looks.
The Internet has served to perpetuate this one, unfortunately. Good looks are important, sure, but they're not the be-all and end-all. The kinds of people who only take looks into consideration quickly learn that looking good and making a good living companion are two different things. Then we all founder, because our society places so much importance on how you look and very little on how to improve your mind, be polite, agreeable company, or develop strong character.
#5. Men have to be rich.
When was the last time we even saw a traditional-role family where the man is the breadwinner and the women stays home to do housework? Not very often. The norm for most couples is to have a two-career household, and even then one partner may work while the other goes to school and improves their career later. men, there's nothing wrong with being a househusband for a working woman. In fact, it can be a pretty fun life!
#6. Smart women are intimidating.
How sad that this idea even exists. It chases valuable talent away from the sciences, where women could have given us some brilliant minds which might have cured AIDS, ended world hunger, or discovered the next energy source. It also ensures that men end up with decorative fashion models with flat personalities and no mental stimulation. The great majority of men in surveys have indicated that they place importance on intelligence and personality traits, as well as looks. So go ahead, gals, show off some smarts!
#7. Geeks aren't popular.
This old hold-over idea from a century ago needs to be thrown out. Look at the Forbes' list of top 100 world billionaires, and look how many of them are CEOs of tech companies. Look at how technology is present in every aspect of our lives. The time of the 'geek' being seen as undesirable is long-gone. Both male and female geeks are seeing their stock rise.
Jodie BrittainPosted byJodie BrittainatTuesday, January 06, 2009
